Adam does ten minutes of improvised scenes and monologues by himself. For the first time ever.
Carousel Theatre, 1411 Cartwright Street Vancouver
Adam and other good comics audition for the Vancouver Comedy Festival. 9:30pm, Jupiter Lounge, 1216 Bute St, Vancouver.
Opening at Cascades Casino, 20393 Fraser Highway, Langley.
Featuring stand-up comedy by Adam Pateman improv and sketches with the cities finest. At The Arts Club’s New Revue Stage at 1601 Johnston Street, Granville Island, Vancouver.
Lyric’s One Night Stand Lyric Acting Studio 341 Water Street (3rd Floor Gastown, Vancouver
Doors open at 8:30 pm Show starts at 9:30 pm Celebration at 11pm
One of the best shows in the city. Cheap drinks, great venue, audience full of actors who know to be polite and pay attention to what’s on stage. And afterwards everyone gets drunk and hangs out.
Here’s a couple of comercials I did for Granville Island Brewrey… With the guys from Bronx Cheer.
Speedo
Wreck Beach
Rules at the capsule hotel.
Rolly Polly Fishheads.
Meg Ryan is still famous in Japan.
Toast.
Flamboyant hipster offering a couch to a round granny.
Witty comment.
Perplexed onion kimono dance party.
beware of elevator crabs.
Happy puppy grateful to cary fecese. Bird chirpings bring joy.
All city signs have a happy cartoon inatimate object telling you how to live.
No sweaty, scratched-up, three legged dogs alowed.
Signs reads “Dont be a dumb bitch”
Awesome.
really awesome.
Dont cry, just run with your dove and bear friend away from the flaming mound and the masked winker.
Pooh Poo.
Star Belly Sneeches
In Vancouver, I bought a cane and an ankle tenser brace at Shoppers Drug Mart, got some T3`s for the pain, went to the airport and randomly ran into this idiot:
I was supposed to go to New York with Rob Sweatman on the same date of departure as my flight to Japan. I ditched our New York plans because I wanted to spend way more money to go to Asia. I forgot that fact and when we came across each other in the duty-free zone, we quickly figured it out. Our flights left at the same time.
I finally reached Osaka airport where my friend Max Mitchell met up with me. He`d been there for just under a month already.
He had been attacked by a kemushi catepillar and his hands and back were all blistery.
Here`s what a Kemushi looks like:
Me and Max were planning on riding bikes from Kyoto to Tokyo with our friend Brandon Flumerfelt (real name). Max and Brandon had bought us woman`s city shopping bikes with baskets on them to do this 550 kilometre quest on.
thant`s my cane in the basket.
On the first hour of the first day of our bike ride to tokyo, we had to go through a steep mountain pass in ass-wrenching hot weather.
Coming down the mountain Brandon`s front tire popped and he rolled in front of a mini japanese truck.
Max found a Jizo statue right by where Brandon almost died. Which was eerie because they are erected where other people have died.
After we fixed Barandons tire, we kept on to Otsu which is on the shore of Japans largest lake, Biwa-ko.
After day on of the bike trip, we had traveled only 50 kilometres of the trip, and I quickly realized that my chubby, sprained body may not make it al the way to Tokyo.
on day two, we woke up from a dingy night stay in a Japanese business-man hotel and ponchoed it up for the torential downpour we were about to bike in for another 9 hours.
As we went on, I Screamed and almost cried from the frustration and pain from biking up hills and wind pushing on my chest and forcing me back. Max had a similar problem and we came to reality. We were not going to bike the whole way to Tokyo with Brandon. He was way more fit, had way more drive, and at our rate it would have taken 10 or 11 days to do. Plus, I didn`t want to spend my vacation along a highway looking at trucks and rural scenery similar to that of Abottsford. But we were still in the middle of nowhere and we had to keep going until we foud a real town.
In another mountain pass, we found a shrine built under the highway…
…and a Temple on the side of the highway…
We finally reached Kameyama which had a train station and a realy straight forward city map…
…a playground…
…a segaworld…
…where you can play games while Japanese employees watch on as they smoke cigarettes in the distance…
…and a pachinco parlor.
Video!
We went to our hotel and said goodbye to Brandon before he continued on bike to Tokyo. We said goodbye in the form of drinking CUPS of sake and playing the best game ever, “Black Beard`s Critical Blow”.
You gotsa put swords in Black Beard`s barrel. If he pops out, you lose bitch.
The day Brandon left, me and Max had 20000 yen bikes that we tried to sell at the train station with a shitty sign which just said “For Sale”… We tried to sell both of them for 10000 yen.
No one would buy them, so we went to a bike shop and sold them for 1000 yen, which is like ten bucks.
Then me and Max trained to Nagoya, where we went to their Japanese equivalent of Science World and saw an awesome exhibit on Pteradons… which are now my favoutite animal.
And we stayed in a “capsule hotel”…
Here`s a video of that shit.
And they made us wear these awesome mandatory pajamas…
And their bathroom and everything was comunal. So we had to strip naked and go in a public bath with these gentlemen.
The next day, me and Max saw some bands play in a music festival in Nagoya. This one was a punk band called The Emeralds and they were alright… And they had tragic vintage 70’s shirts on.
We also befriended some music festival staff girls and they put us on their website… Which I’ll have a link to when I’m not lazy.
Vancouver to Kelowna to Vancouver to Kelowna to Vancouver To Japan...With a Sprained Ankle
30 May 08
Sequence of events from May 22nd to May 27th:
May 22nd - Film a beer commercial in Vancouver in the morning, ride my scooter home, meet up with my roomate Jeff, catch a skytrain to Surrey, meet up with my friend Lewis, let him drive us to Kelowna, check in at a hotel, go to Yuk Yuks there in Kelowna, perform a 30 minute stand-up set for a cancer benefit for a room full of racist remax employees, go to bed.
May 23rd - Wake up at 6am, shuttle to Kelowna airport, fly to Vancouver, film more beer commercial, catch a cab to Vancouver airport, finish my book, fly to Kelowna, shuttle to Yuk Yuks, perform a 30 minute stand-up set to a room full of racist hicks, go with Jeff and Lewis to a couple shitty Kelowna night clubs, visit them at thei hostel, throw a matress on top of Lewis while drunk and walk on him and sprain my ankle, put ice on my ankle, fall asleep in a hostel I didn`t pay for.
May 24th - Wake up, hobble to the hostel lobby, sneak out unnoticed, catch a shuttle to the hospital, get an x-ray, fall in love with 3 nurses, get casted up, buy crutches, catch a cab to hotel, watch home and garden channel, sleep from 11am to 5pm, go to Yuk Yuks Kelowna, perform a stand-up show to a room full of racist hicks while sitting on a stool with crutches against the stool, go to Lewisaunts house, watch a Documentary on Donkey Kong, go to sleep.
May 25th - Drive to Vancouver, pack for Japan, sleep.
May 26th - Wake up, pick up contact lenses, cab to airport, fly to Osaka Japan, sleep on flight.
May 27th - Meet my friend Max at the Airport, train to Kyoto, sleep in a hotel.
…The next day I left for an across-Japan bicycle trip… With a sprained ankle and severe jet-lag…to be continued.
So I heard through the franchise grapevine that Denny’s restaurants serve free meals on your birthday. Just as other such hangouts one would want to spend during their lunch break, on their birthday, like Kelly O’ Brian’s, and The Old Spaghetti Factory (I think). Since I celebrated my birth on the eve the true date, I was hung-over. And at work. And in dire need of grease and starch to remedy my sweating, aching, sleep deprived body.
Denny’s was only ten blocks away and I had a scooter. So I said, “Let’s do this shit.” I called ahead to see if only children apply to this special offer. Turns out, adults are also game.
Upon arriving during the Victoria Day weekend lunch rush, who’s holiday has always competed with my party plans, I learned the real deal about Denny’s free birthday meal…It wasn’t…Free that is.
When you go in as the birthday boy, alone on your lunch break, they tell you that you get one free meal only with the purchase of another meal and another mandatory drink. And what they don’t tell you is that they charge you only for the price of the more expensive meal and drink. So of course I got the Moons Over My Hammy and a coffee, along with a snap decision order of the Philly melt and orange juice to go, thinking ahead to my dinner appetite.
I was charged the twelve or so dollars for the Philly Melt and juice along with a conveniently included gratuity charge. And so I paid via debit. And the machines asked how much of a tip to add again. So I put down a dollar out of fear.
Truth be told, my lunch was splendid and the cold, Styrofoam encased Philly Melt was also very tasty. But the taste of Denny’s expanding wallet of greed tasted of hate, and deceit.
…but I’m not telling it…yet.
Tom Cochrane once stated that life is a highway, and that he was going to ride it all night long. Really Tom? I would hope that one who enjoys life would want to ride it for a full average lifespan of 80-85 years rather than a mere night. You cannot, no matter how hard you try Tom, attend Martingrove Collegiate Institute, move to L.A., become a movie theme song writer, move back to Toronto, become a taxi driver, work as a cruise line entertainer, join a band called Red Rider, go to Africa and raise awareness for World Vision, make an album, sing the national anthem incorrectly at a baseball game, write two more albums, go on a national tour, get in a plane crash and survive, host the Juno awards, release another album, and then become Honorary Colonel of the Air Force’s 409 “Nighthawks” Tactical Fighter Squadron all in one night! Get real Tom! And yes, I realize that saying “life is a highway” is a metaphor. I’m not an imbecile. And stop insisting that I am. What I’m saying is you should have planned your road trip on this allegorical route much better. Get a few friends, split the gas, pack some sandwiches, take your camping gear, and don’t stop until you reach Mexico. Goodness gracious.
I used to wear ties on my own accord. I remember thinking to myself, “what are friends like?”
This is officially the first entry I will have ever made on this website. So I’d better make it good. Here it goes… Last night I did a show at Lyric Acting School. The crowd was amazing. Unlike a sports bar, the audience was receptive and polite… They knew to shut up and listen to the comic on stage. So I did some weird material that they paid attention to. Usually a crowd will talk and shout incoherent B.S., but this tour de force of actors hung onto every stupid word I had to say. I loved it. I recommend the Lyric Acting Studio to every comic and actor who enjoys new ideas in town to experience this wicked-awesome show. And also, all the girls there were super ultra hot. It’s a great place to boost your Ego as a comic, and then get depressed about going home alone.
This beard took a lot of hard work. every morning I would wake up and imediately start growing my beard. I did it all day and night for four months. I measured; it was 4.3 cm long.
Everything in England is subtly strange. This is a real sign I saw In Bournmouth, England. Yep, this shit is for realz.
I wrote a joke about this incense. It smells exactly like black people having sex in a hot tub.
I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge dressed like a hipster two years ago. Here’s proof.
This video is retarded.
Paul Anthony is a hilarious comic and well trained actor, he is also sometimes known as Hughe Fuckoffski and he hosts a show at The old Biltmore Hotel called “Talent Time.” Facebook search it! I’m not lying! And Aubrey Tennant is a hilarious comic who is a favourite in offbeat shows in Vancouver and New York. He also has, according to legend, a giant dink…I don’t know who the girl is… But I’d like to. (creepy)
Kevin Lee is a tremendously talented imrpov actor and comic. He co-runs a show every Sunday at The Hennesey on Broadway called “The Sunday Service”. It’s one of the best shows in the city. And Sean Devlin is a fantastic comic and film maker. Google his film, “Zach and Avery of Fegus.”
Graham Clark is one of the funniest comics in the country and he recently won the grand prize for Yuk Yuks’ national comedy competition. He’s also one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Ben Mills is also hilarious and one of the most likable people to ever exhist. Right now he’s traveling the country on Greyhound like an adventurous bum.
Adam Pateman is an actor and comedian who has been doing stand-up comedy for six years and is now a favourite among crowds in Vancouver . With his strange, astute, Nintendo-generation comments on life and the mundane, mixed with bizarre characterizations, Pateman delivers a smart and original take on comedy that appeals to all audiences. Adam Pateman has been a finalist for the Vancouver Yuk Yuk’s 2006 Funniest New Comic competition and the 2004 Urban Well Funniest Comic Competition. He loves Thai curry but hates cilantro.
To contact Adam, E-mail adam_pateman@yahoo.com
You can also get in touch with his agent, Melanie Turner at: melanie@pacificartists.com 604-688-4077 Pacific Artists Management 685-1285 West Broadway, Vancouver, B.C. Canada, V6H 3X8
